i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
