three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
