bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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