he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
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my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
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And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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