I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
