I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
