Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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