Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
