My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary