I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
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I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
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You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.