Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
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You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY