apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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