sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
