margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
