I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
