that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
