is your mom at the bar?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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