Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
the raccoons are back...
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