Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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