Fine. I'll sleep in my office
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
