Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
