girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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