At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
