Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
