If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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