Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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