I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Alive.
So much puke
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
