Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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