what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
