I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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