if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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