Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
