Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just want nice things and good sex
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Text me some of your sweat
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
