I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
