Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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