Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
