woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
