i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
