you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
