He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize