ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
