Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
