we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
