The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
