doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
