Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dicks are not precious.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
