i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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