I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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