And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
