First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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