He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
