This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
