Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
