I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
