I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
