I'm eating all of the evidence.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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