i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
