thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
