I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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