just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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