I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize