As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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