I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
