Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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