I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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