Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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