4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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