youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
