My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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