Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
