I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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