i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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