This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I supernannyed him into submission
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
