i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
