Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
