the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
NoShamevember. You game?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
