she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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