He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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