i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
