I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
