Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
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My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
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My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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