i jhust puked up my retainher.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she told me i tasted like america
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
