I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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