I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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