Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
