He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
