SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
