I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
