did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
