just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize