I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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